Only in the U.S.A. (but also in GB)

The fifth in this (not to be taken too seriously) series also has a humorous side to it. Consumers are given helpful suggestions and instructions both in the USA and here in Great Britain. A few examples.

“It seems that not all legal disclaimers on websites are the work of humourless lawyers. The ‘Website Terms of Use’ for search engine ‘SearchFeast’ are certainly a change from the stereotypical format. For instance, the copyright clause says, ‘For everyone’s sake, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless we say it’s not. So you can’t use the stuff except how we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without our written permission. And like we said before, it’s not likely we’ll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway. So it’s better you don’t even ask.’

And following the notes on jurisdiction, the writers explain. ‘If all this sounds kind of mean and un-diplomatic, you should have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them that torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they look disappointed.’

Gt British companies comes up with some plain English. (but are we really this thick or is it them?)

On a hairdryer: ‘Do not use while sleeping’
On a bag of Fritos: ‘You could be a winner! No purchase necessary! Details inside! ‘(Shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: ‘Directions: Use like regular soap.’ (and that would be how?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: ‘Serving suggestion: defrost.’ (but it’s just a suggestion)
On Tesco’s  Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom): Do not turn upside down.’ (well … duh, a bit late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: ‘Product will be hot after heating.’ (… and you thought ???)
On packaging on a Rowenta Iron: ‘Do not iron clothes on body.’ (but wouldn’t that save more time?)
On a Swedish chainsaw: ‘Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.’ (was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On Boots Children’s Cough Medicine: ‘Do not drive or operate machinery after taking this medication. (oh really!)
And finally:
On Nytol Sleep Aid: ‘Warning: May cause drowsiness.’

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